Gwendolyn Young Mayberry History
1927-1999
1927-1999
By Sheila Mayberry (my Aunt Sheila is married to Gwen and Jim's youngest son, my Uncle Andy)
Introduction
I first met Gwen Mayberry in the fall of 1989. By this time she had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. She could still take care of herself, carry on a conversation and even drive. However, her youngest son and my husband, Andy assured me that she was not herself. The mother he had grown up with was changing and declining as the disease progressed. I was acquainted with a kind, pleasant, motherly woman. However, the Gwen Mayberry I knew personally was not the woman that her family remembers.
Therefore, to write this history I have drawn upon the memories of her husband, brother, and children. Her eldest daughter, Linda, collected many of these memories as she prepared to give the life sketch at her mother’s funeral. Other recollections came from a questionnaire that Linda’s daughter Darcy e-mailed to Gwen’s children. Darcy was writing a brief history of Gwen for a personal progress goal.
While in college, Linda’s daughter Diana wrote a paper about the effects of Alzheimer’s disease on the family members of the person afflicted. Her notes were used to give perspective about Gwen’s illness.
The events from Gwen’s childhood were taken from the personal history of her mother, Helen McRae, entitled “November Song.” Her brother, Winslow, provided other memories.
Throughout the history Gwen’s siblings, husband and children are mentioned as they share their memories and perspectives about Gwen. For clarity in reading this history the following is a list of Gwen’s immediate family.
Mother: Helen McRae Young
Father: Everett Young
Siblings: Ralph
Pat
Sylvia
Robert
Tommy
Winslow
Richard
Husband: Jim
Children:
Linda
Ralph
Susan
Young
Janice
Wendy
Carter
Michelle
Andy
Chapter 1
Show Your Raisin’s
When Gwendolyn Young Mayberry would send her children off to different events, she would admonish them, “Show your raisin’s!”
Janice says, “For the longest time I couldn’t understand why she would say this to me. Who would want to see my raisins?” Andy’s feelings about the matter were that he wasn’t showing his raisins to anyone!
While Young experienced similar confusion as a child, as an adult he feels like “show your raisin’s” taught him significant lessons for the moment and for the long run. He knew that “show your raisin’s” meant that he needed to be good while away from home – at a movie, on a date, etc. But for the long-term, “show your raisin’s” meant that he was never to do anything he would be ashamed of.
Gwen Mayberry knew her “raisin’s.” She was proud of her family roots and her heritage. She passed this knowledge and pride on to her children. It helped them know who they were and how they were related to those around them. Because of her pride in her heritage it is appropriate to begin Gwen’s life history by reviewing her genealogy and acknowledging the impact of her ancestors’ lives in her own life.
Gwen’s heritage is full of Mormon Pioneers. Nearly all of her great-great grandparents were baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Her great-great grandfather, Alexander McRae was converted to the church in 1837 at the age of 30. He was faithful to the gospel, and a close associate of the prophet Joseph Smith. He acted as scribe for sections 121, 122, and 123 of the Doctrine and Covenants.
Another of Gwen’s great-great grandfathers, George Edward Grove Taylor was baptized into the church with his family on July 27, 1848, while they lived in England. Later they immigrated to the United States in order to be with the saints. Subsequently they crossed the plains with the other members of the church.
Of her great grandparents, all eight of them were members of the church. Likewise, all eight of them were called on colonizing missions for the church. On the McRae side of the family, Joseph and Maria McRae, and Parley Pratt and Octavia Jacosa Sabin were called to colonize Arizona. This was not easy and required quite a bit of sacrifice. Maria had just acquired a new house in Utah when her call came. She obeyed willingly, but felt discouraged and disheartened at times because of this sacrifice.
On the Young side of the family James Absolom and Lillian Adelaide Young and Winslow and Susan Melvina Farr were called to colonize in Mexico. They were all faithful in their callings, serving in leadership positions, serving missions away from their families, and bravely overcoming challenges that they faced as pioneers.
Gwen’s grandparents were similarly faithful. Helen (Gwen’s mother) described her father, John Kenneth McRae in this way: “Father’s faith was not just a surface affair, it was part of his every-day living.” The history of Pearl Elizabeth reflects the same kind of faith, manifest in her daily life.
Gwen’s grandparents on her father’s side, Belinda and Alma Young, were also loyal members of the church who raised their children in righteousness.
Gwen’s raisin’s had an impact on other qualities as well. She was a tall woman, which trait she inherited from the McRaes. Alexander McRae was over 6 feet tall. Her fair hair and skin also came from the McRaes.
Her intelligence was also product of her heritage. During the 1980s the University of Arizona recognized the McRae family as the family with the most graduates from that school. While the Young family did not participate as much in formal education, they were also a very intelligent people. Everett’s parents were smart people who were known as scholars of the scriptures.
Gwen walked the walk when it came to teaching her children to show their raisin’s. With such raisin’s it is no wonder that Gwen followed her ancestors’ legacy of faith. With knowledge of who she was and where she came from, Gwen lived a life that honored her family heritage.
Chapter 2
Childhood
Gwendolyn Young was born into an unstable world. She was born on the eve of the Great Depression to young, inexperienced parents who lived far from the support of their families. While he had not yet been diagnosed, her father suffered from mental illness. These factors would have a significant impact on Gwen’s childhood.
Helen and Everett Young were living in Riverside, CA when their oldest child, Gwendolyn was born. She was born on April 27, 1927, and was 7 pounds, 14 ounces. She was thin, pale and had fine blond hair. Helen was afraid that Gwen’s coloring made her look frail and sickly. She didn’t want people to think of her that way, so she called her “Gwendolly”, to which people would respond, “She does look like a doll.”
When Gwen was born the doctor counseled Helen that it wasn’t good to hold a newborn baby too much. He instructed her to let her cry so that she wouldn’t be spoiled. In her efforts to be a good mother, Helen followed this advice. The memory of it made her sad in her later years. She wished he had been more affectionate to her new baby.
Gwen’s father, Everett was, at the time of her birth, employed at an electrical sub-station in San Bernardino, California. However, soon after Gwen’s birth, her father’s mental illness began to shake the world of the Young’s little family. Gwen’s early life was marked by a series of moves, parental unemployment, and the birth of several siblings.
Shortly after her birth the family moved to Los Angeles, California. They moved in the middle of the night because her father wanted to avoid some unpaid bills. By July of 1927, when Gwen was only three months old, her parents moved with her to Binghamton, Arizona so that they could live with, and later near, Everett’s parents.
On October 5, 1928, Gwen’s brother Ralph was born into the family. Since Gwen was only 17 months old when Ralph was born, they grew up being quite close. At about this same time Everett tried selling Super-Maid Cookware. He moved the family to Bisbee, Arizona where he thought that the miners would be able to afford the $100 cookware. However, finances were meager for most at this time. Within the year the stock market crash of 1929 occurred and the country was plunged into depression.
With this business failure, the family moved back to Binghamton, where Everett worked at the Standard Oil Service Station for a time. In an effort to help the struggling family, Alma Young, Everett’s father helped him to finance the Desert Gold Dairy. They were able to stay in Binghamton for four years while Everett ran the dairy. During this time, three children joined the family. Pat was born on March 17, 1931, Sylvia on March 23, 1932 and Robert on June 18, 1933.
Gwen started elementary school at about this time. Helen made a point of not telling Gwen about grades and report cards because she wanted her to have fun at school. But it wasn’t long until Gwen learned of grades and became a top student.
During the winter of 1933 and 1934 many children in the Binghamton area were afflicted with earaches. Gwen, Ralph and Pat all had earaches at the same time. While Gwen and Pat recovered, Ralph’s infection progressed into mastoiditis (an infection of a bone behind the ear) and then to meningitis (an infection of the lining of the brain). Because antibiotics were not widely used until the 1940s, Ralph’s infections were untreatable. Ralph died on March 20, 1934. His death had a lasting impact on Gwen. She later named her first son Ralph, after her brother. Many years later, when she had dementia, upon visiting the Binghamton cemetery she was able to walk directly to Ralph’s grave and recount the events of his death.
In the spring or summer of 1934 Everett moved his family and his dairy to Mesa, Arizona. In Mesa there was cheaper feed for the dairy cattle. While her dad had the dairy, Gwen remembered that after the milk came from the cows it was poured over a grill-like device that chilled it immediately. She said that nothing tasted better than freshly chilled milk.
Still, finances were limited. Helen, Gwen’s mother would do her best to make their limited food more interesting for her children. She would spread peanut butter on slices of bread, cut them in fourths and place a raisin in the middle of each quarter slice. She would arrange the bread attractively on a plate to make it more palatable. A visiting neighbor boy saw the display of food and looked longingly at it. When Helen gave him a piece, he started to giggle and said, “It’s just peanut butter!”
Helen made sure that her family ate all three meals together as a family. It was such a ritual with the family that the void was felt if ever a member of the family was missing from the table.
Another practice of the Young family was the Saturday night bath. A big tub was placed in the middle of the kitchen and everyone would take turns bathing in the same water. Because Gwen was the eldest child she was the first to take her bath, not having to bathe in second, third, or fourth-hand water.
Living in Mesa in the days before air-conditioning was extremely hot. People would sleep outside on cots in their lawn to keep cool. Others had porches enclosed with screens in which they would sleep. Gwen remembered going to the canal for a swim in the evenings. This would cool them off enough to help them sleep through the hot nights.
This move to Mesa lasted only a few months because in the fall Everett had a psychotic break and was arrested for disturbing the peace. Partly because of that arrest the family moved back to Binghamton in October of 1934.
During this stay in Binghamton Tommy and Winslow were born: Tommy on September 18, 1935 and Winslow on September 17, 1936. One year later the Young family moved back to Mesa, again, for cheaper feed for the cows. They lived in northwest Mesa for a short time, but were evicted for not paying rent. Next they moved into a big, old house east of the temple. There were a lot of scorpions at this house. They killed an average of one scorpion a day while they lived there. They put the legs of their beds in cans of water to keep the scorpions from climbing up into their beds. Each night they had to fold their clothes and place their shoes and clothes on a chair to keep scorpions from getting in them.
While living in this house Richard was born on August 8, 1938. Gwen was 11 years old at the time.
By mid January 1939, Everett had a severe psychotic break. He attempted to drown Helen in the bathtub. Gwen was present to witness his forceful removal from the home and the agitated state of her mother after such an upsetting experience. This was a very distressing memory for Gwen.
After that, Helen moved her children to live with her parents, John Kenneth and Pearl McRae in St. David, Arizona. Everett obtained a civil divorce in 1940 and a temple cancellation was granted in 1942.
After moving to St. David much of the turmoil faced in Gwen’s childhood diminished. Winslow recalls two rituals that the family practiced after moving to St. David. The first was that after eating supper, they would sit around the table and talk and talk. Each family member was given a turn to talk and it was considered extremely rude to interrupt the one speaking. Winslow feels that it was during these after-dinner conversations that the children were given their strong interest in education.
The second ritual they practiced was to kneel at their chairs around the supper table for family prayer. One time, during a thunderstorm, lightning struck nearby and Richard said, “BOOM!” The entire family started to giggle, even Helen. Helen knew that they shouldn’t continue with the prayer while everyone was giggling. She sent them off to do chores until the giggles had subsided. They washed windows, ran around the outside of the house, and more, but no matter what she had them do, it seemed that they just giggled harder.
Throughout her life Gwen had a Shirley Temple doll that she loved and saved from her childhood. She kept it in her treasure chest. It seems that the doll was a bright spot in an otherwise difficult childhood.
Gwen did not enjoy an easy childhood. Her father’s illness, her brother’s death, uncertainty and poverty were gloomy facets of her young life. As an adult she seldom mentioned the challenges she faced as a child. Instead, she created a life of stability for herself and her family that stood in stark contrast to her turbulent childhood.
Chapter 3
High School, College and Marriage
While living St. David, with greater stability in day-to-day life, Gwen was called upon regularly to care for her siblings. Her sister Pat remembers that Gwen taught her siblings how to chain mulberry leaves together by their stems, how to make mud bowls and cups from dry dirt, how to make whistles from cottonwood leaves, how to write their names, how to write cursive and how to read the big words in the Sunday comics. Sylvia gives Gwen the credit for the college education of so many of her siblings.
Robert remembers that Gwen taught him the important lesson of buttoning and tucking in his shirt. When he entered the room without having done these things she wrote on his chest with bright red lipstick.
As a teenager in the 1940s Gwen and her cousin Franceis would walk from the church on Sundays down to the river bridge to flirt with the soldiers who were assigned to stand guard there. She said that it was not uncommon to walk all the way from the church to the bridge and back and never have a car pass them.
Winslow remembers that in the early days of World War II, Gwen received a carton of Doublemint chewing gum. Gum was rationed during the war, so this was a huge treat. She shared with her siblings by giving a stick of gum to Robert and watching as he carefully tore it into fourths and distributed it to the other three boys.
Gwen was enrolled in St. David High School and stayed there to complete her high school education. She was the editor of the high school newspaper and a very good student. She graduated as Valedictorian of her class.
Gwen really admired her Mother, Helen, who enjoyed writing and valued education. The respect that Gwen held for her mother probably influenced her decision to go to college with the goal of becoming a writer or journalist. She attended the University of Arizona for one year after graduating from high school.
Her educational goals were intercepted by a young man named Jimmie Mayberry. She met him during the summer following her junior year in high school. While the Mayberry family lived in Bisbee, they owned a home and property in St. David. During that summer Jimmie was in St. David working at his family’s place. He came across this beautiful blond named Gwen. When she mentioned that St. David’s football team would benefit from his participation, he decided that St. David was the place to be. He moved to St. David and attended St. David High School during his junior and senior years. It was during this time that Jim and Gwen fell in love.
Gwen was a year older than Jim, so during his senior year she was away at the university. It was a difficult time of separation. They visited each other when they could and wrote letters. In Gwen’s journal she often stated, “How I love that guy!”
When Jim graduated from high school, he and Gwen both went to Gila College (now Eastern Arizona College) in Thatcher. Jim played football while attending school there. Gwen was on the flag/marching squad and had the honor of leading the group, carrying the American Flag. When football season was over, they quit school and got married. Bishop Jack McRae married them on November 27, 1946 in Bisbee. This marriage established a 52-year marriage that resulted in 9 children, 46 grandchildren and, to date, 86 great grandchildren.
Chapter 4
Family Life and Motherhood
During the early years of their marriage, Jim and Gwen were very poor and moved frequently as Jim tried his hand at different types of work. During this time Jim and Gwen lived in primitive circumstances with dirt floors, outhouses and limited water access. Jim would scavenge old produce from local markets and Gwen would bottle the produce that was useable. The rest would be fed to the pigs. For a time Jim and Gwen lived with Ray and Wanda Nelson because they couldn’t afford rent. While living with them, on July 26, 1946, Linda was born at St. Mary’s Hospital. Linda’s birth started Gwen’s 51-year career as a stay at home Mom.
The next several years of Gwen’s life were spent supporting her husband through several job changes, including barber, butcher, business owner, rancher, and farmer. Money was seldom plentiful, but Gwen was frugal and industrious. She welcomed each of her 9 children and became an exceptional mother. While living in Tucson Ralph (August 22, 1949), Susan (February 28, 1952), and Young (April 5, 1954), were born. After moving to St. David, Janice (August 9, 1955), Wendy (February 16, 1960), Carter (August 1, 1962), Michelle (December 10, 1963) and Andy (May 2, 1967) were born.
With the birth of 9 children the rest of Gwen’s life would be defined by her role as mother. Other hobbies, interests and education were put on a back burner while she raised her children. She had many abilities that qualified her as an exceptional mother; however, a significant attribute was her constancy. Perhaps because of the upheaval of her early life Gwen made sure that her home would be a place of steadiness.
Jim appreciated that she created a home where he wanted to be. She made bread every week, insisted on a warm breakfast every day, and dinner as a family every night. She led out with family prayers every morning and night and Family Home Evening every Monday.
Gwen got up early every morning and got dress first thing. She didn’t have an extensive wardrobe, but she was always up and dressed early. Janice says that she only remembers her mother being in her bathrobe or pajamas when she was sick. Those days were few and far between.
She had difficulty with foot pain, so bought expensive shoes with customized and expensive orthotic inserts. Michelle is sure that Gwen’s “expensive” shoes were probably not very costly; but because Gwen was so frugal and rarely bought things for herself, these shoes were probably quite a luxury to her. She wore these tan support shoes everywhere and with everything.
Her children appreciated her steadiness. They knew that they were her priority. She listened to their concerns, was interested and involved in their activities, and tried to be a friend to them. Linda said that her Mother was her best friend until she went away to college and met Robin. Andy found security as a child knowing that his mother was home and available at all times, day or night.
Gwen was also consistent in the discipline of her children. As a result she didn’t need to nag and yell. Her children knew what her expectations were and that consequences were sure. Wendy says that she knew that she should never mouth off to her mother. She recalls that her mother had a stick under the sink for whenever they misbehaved, and she wasn’t afraid to use it.
Janice’s memories are of a flyswatter used to spank the children. She says that her Mother’s spankings were never harsh or cruel, just 2 or 3 swats with the swatter. On occasion, Susan, Young or Janice would hide the swatter. Then Gwen would have them go outside to find a switch for their spankings. That always hurt worse than the flyswatter.
Another interesting discipline method that Gwen used was the “crying barrel.” When her children were very young, and they tried throwing a tantrum to get their way, she would place them inside the “crying barrel”. The noise of their cries would echo around the barrel and reverberate into their own ears, making them the only ones to suffer from the fit. This put a swift end to temper tantrums.
An attractive play place for the Mayberry children was their neighbor’s, the Alexanders, pond. It was off limits to the Mayberrys because it was not theirs and it was not a safe place for children to play. If one of the older children went to the Alexander’s pond, they were disciplined with a spanking. If one of the younger children wandered off to the Alexander’s pond they were tied to a tree. Gwen would get a length of rope and tie one end around the trunk of the tree, then tie the other end around the child’s waist with a simple knot. If the child was old enough to untie the knot, the child was old enough for a spanking.
When Gwen was a young mother and her children would argue or fight, she felt like that wasn’t unusual for children. She seldom intervened. However, she read in the scriptures Mosiah 4:14 where it says, “And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin.” At that point she decided that it was unacceptable for her children to fight with each other.
Gwen had a variety of methods for dealing with children who quarreled. They would be expected to kiss and make up, sincerely apologizing to each other. Sometimes they would be given the job of washing windows, one on the inside and one on the outside. Often times they would make faces at each other until they were both laughing and on friendly terms again. Other times they would have to sit together in the rocking chair until they calmed down, and sometimes they would be shut into the bathroom together until they could be at peace.
Similarly, Gwen taught her children that they were never to fight or quarrel in public. Not only that, they were to stand up for each other when they were away from home. When Ralph was in the first grade and Linda in third grade Linda found out that some boys were bullying Ralph. She found those boys and beat the tar out of them. She told them that they were to never bother Ralph again, and they never did.
The idea of standing by family when in public extended to distant relatives as well. During fifth grade a new boy, Troy Young, entered Andy’s class. With Gwen’s teachings about his heritage and standing by family firmly planted in his mind, Andy realized that he was probably related to this boy named Young. On Troy’s first day of school Andy witnessed someone picking on him and let the bully know, in no uncertain terms, that he was not to harrass his cousin. The bully backed right off, and Troy was not bothered again because he was Andy’s cousin. Later, when Andy and his half first cousin twice removed ran into each other as adults, Troy thanked Andy for standing up for him when he was young. He acknowledged that Andy’s actions at that time made a difference to his time in St. David.
Teaching her children important skills and principles was part of Gwen’s child-rearing tactics. To ensure that her children learned to brush their teeth regularly, she would offer them a half a stick of gum for having done so. Smelling their breath was her way of telling if they had brushed their teeth.
Linda remembers her mother teaching her how to make and take phone calls. That was awkward for Linda at first, but Gwen knew how important that was. She gently pushed and taught Linda to know what to say and how to say it.
Janice remembers her Mother teaching her how to sew. Gwen would pin and Janice would do the sewing. She explained to Janice how important it was to press the seams after they were sewn. However, if they didn’t have time to heat the iron she showed her how to press it with her finger.
While Gwen didn’t gossip or criticize others, she was quick to point out character traits that she didn’t want her children to emulate. One saying she was fond of was, “Fools names and fools faces are always found in public places.” It bothered her when she saw young people “hanging out” on the street corner or at the school after events. Her feeling was that there is no need to be in a public place. Go home when the event is over. Also, this saying applied to graffiti and names being written in books or on bathroom stalls or other places.
She also had trouble with people who put themselves in positions of authority over other people. This did not apply to church leaders, because positions in the church are not sought after. They are assigned. However, there were certain professions and the people who chose them that rubbed her the wrong way. Another adage she often used was “He likes to listen to himself talk.” She taught her children that they should never put themselves above other people.
She taught them to be productive by insisting that they do something helpful while watching TV. They could shell pecans, fold or iron clothes or churn butter. The Mayberry children were only allowed to watch TV for two hours each day, although sometimes the limit was stretched a bit.
She taught them honesty through word and deed. Linda remembers hunting with her mother. She said that in the early days of Gwen’s marriage, the men in the hunting party would ask her to put in for a deer tag, allowing any person who shot a deer to use Gwen’s tag. The dishonesty associated with that bothered Gwen. Over time she refused to put in for a deer tag unless she planned to kill her own deer.
Susan remembers lying to her mother when she was eight or nine. She found a horse, Flossie eating grain in the barn. Flossie’s head was through the stanchion as she ate the grain, and Susan wondered what would happen if she closed the stanchion on Flossie’s head. Flossie pulled back hard when Susan shut the stanchion and pulled the stanchion right off the barn. Susan told her Mother that it was an accident, and was so insistent with her story that she almost convinced herself. But Gwen knew that Susan’s story was an untruth, and without berating her, subtly taught her the importance of honesty.
When Carter was a boy he liked to go to the payphones at the gas station and look for change in the coin return. When Gwen found that he had collected some coins in this way she wanted to impress upon him that they were not his coins and that they needed to be returned to their rightful owner. She went through quite an effort to contact someone who worked for the phone company and helped Carter return the coins to them.
Another aspect of honesty that Gwen stressed was that of keeping your word. Janice says that she knew that if she said she was going to do something, she would be expected to do it. Backing out because she didn’t feel like doing something was not an option.
Gwen also taught her children important principles related to dating. These included: Be home before midnight or you’ll turn into a pumpkin. Don’t kiss on the first date, or the 2nd date, or the 3rd date. And lastly, it’s not right for girls to call boys. Gwen had a good listening ear for her teenage children who were dating age. Janice remembers having many late night talks with her mother after her dates.
Gwen demonstrated her dedication to her children through her daily activities. When Andy and Michelle were young children and they had to go somewhere in the Suburban, their mother would send them out to get in the car. They would climb into the very back of the Suburban and hide (with much giggling and shushing). When Gwen got in the car she would always (every time) say, "Hmm. Where are Andy and Michelle? I told them to get in the car. Oh well. I guess I will have to leave without them." Then they would jump out and surprise her. Every time she would scream and be so surprised.
Another trick that her children liked to play on her was to give her gum. They would get an empty wrapper, press out the wrinkles and fold it back together. Every time she thanked them, opened the wrapper and then was so surprised that it was empty.
A sacrifice that Gwen made that demonstrates her attentiveness to her children was her weekly trips to Tucson to buy bottled water. Because St. David had too much fluoride in its ground water, many children grew up with fluoride stains on their teeth. Gwen’s younger siblings were some who suffered that condition. In order to ensure that her children were spared that embarrassment she took it upon herself to drive to Tucson to get bottled water for her children to drink.
Gwen was a proactive parent. She visited the school often and would even visit her children’s classrooms. If she found out that one of the school activities lacked a chaperone, she would volunteer to chaperone. Because of that she not only kept her own children safe, but many others as well. Wendy admits that at the time she hated that, but now she is really glad that her mother was there.
When Michelle was five years old she was severely burned in an accident. Her parents took her to the Benson emergency room and Doctor Kartchner took one look at her and said that there was nothing he could do for her. He left the room and came back with a vial of consecrated oil. He and Jim gave Michelle a priesthood blessing. Due to that blessing Michelle lived through the night. Her parents took her to Tucson and while in the hospital, Jim and Gwen were approached by a charitable organization called the Shriners. They offered to transport Michelle to their hospital in Galveston, Texas, where medical care, reconstructive surgery and physical therapy would be provided for Michelle at no cost to the Mayberrys. Jim and Gwen accepted this generous offer. By midnight the Shriners had arranged for a government hospital airplane from Davis Monthan Air force base, staffed with a special nurse to transport Michelle to Galveston. Gwen boarded the plane with nothing but the clothes on her back. She accompanied Michelle and stayed with her in Galveston for six months during her initial recovery from the burns. Gwen was completely devoted to Michelle’s care and recovery.
Every year after the accident, Michelle and Gwen would return to Galveston so that Michelle could receive more surgeries to help her scar tissue accommodate her growth and development. These return trips to Galveston continued for another ten years. Gwen was given instruction on how to care for Michelle’s scars and how to help her become self-sufficient in spite of her injuries. Michelle attributes her beautiful scars to her Mother’s dedication and faithfulness in following the doctor’s orders for their care.
Some of Gwen’s personality traits had a profound effect on her children. She was a happy, positive person and upbeat about life. She liked to sing to the radio while doing dishes and would sometimes dance around the kitchen. She liked cats. Wendy remembers watching her hold baby kittens in her hands, holding them up so she could look at them. She would giggle when she would say that the way to determine the gender of a baby kitten is to look at the bottom of their feet.
She liked to laugh and would read the comics in the newspaper every day. Most days she would giggle as she read. Other comics would make her laugh until she cried. She would start giggling and then “get a funny bone” as Janice calls it. The laugh was contagious too.
Young remembers that decorating the Christmas tree with Gwen was a joy. He remembers her finding something funny and getting into a laughing fit.
However, she did not like to be teased, tickled or surprised. She did not appreciate practical jokes. Susan remembers hiding in the hallway and jumping out at her with a loud “Boo!” Gwen let her know that such actions would not be tolerated.
Gwen liked to tell jokes and funny stories. One story that she especially enjoyed occurred when the family was on a trip to Salt Lake City. They were in an office building, ready to get on the elevator, when Jim, being his usual friendly, silly self decided to visit a little bit with a receptionist sitting at the front office desk. She appeared to be clearly uncomfortable with his friendliness. When he boarded the elevator with his family, someone noticed that his zipper was down and his shirttail was sticking out. The entire family burst out laughing. Uncle Winslow was there and he said, “If I had known it was show-and-tell I would have brought my kitty.” Whenever Gwen would retell this story it would get funnier and funnier because she would start laughing as she told the story, get a “funny bone” and laugh so hard that she couldn’t finish telling the story.
Michelle shares another story that highlights Gwen’s sense of humor. One time they were moving a piece of furniture and a mouse ran out from under it. It started racing around the room, causing everyone to scream and jump around to avoid having the mouse run up their leg. Gwen was screaming and jumping with the rest of the children, but as she came down from one of her jumps her foot landed directly on top of the mouse. She became completely still and began laughing out loud. The children were confused, not knowing what was so funny. Gwen pointed at her foot and the children saw the mouse’s tail sticking out from under her shoe. They all stood there and laughed for a good minute. However, Gwen didn’t want to lift her foot for fear that the mouse wasn’t dead. She rocked her foot back and forth a few times, but still didn’t dare lift her foot. At that point someone went outside and brought the cat into the house. Gwen lifted her foot; the cat snatched up the squished mouse and ran outside.
Gwen was especially happy when her mother or siblings visited her. She really admired her mother and felt extra contentment when in her presence. Her sister Sylvia was a very funny person, and when visiting with her, Gwen was very animated and displayed her witty sense of humor.
She was positive, never finding fault with her children or others. She subscribed to Thumper’s philosophy: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” As a result, Andy says that he was pretty old before he realized that he really wasn’t a great artist. His mother always encouraged and praised his efforts to draw, to the extent that he felt pretty good about his talents.
Gwen was also a very kind person. Young remembers that one time Gwen was visiting his family when they lived in Colorado Springs. Young’s daughter Nicole was behaving badly and Young and Mariann, showing her no patience, sent her to her room. Gwen sensed something that Nicole’s parents did not. She took a few moments with Nicole and sat with her on the stairs, just talking to her. After that, Nicole was a different child. She seemed happy again. Apparently, all Nicole needed was a little more attention. Gwen sensed that and gave Nicole the attention she needed.
Most of Gwen’s grandchildren didn’t know her prior to her dementia. Even so, she was a kind gentle grandmother. She loved the babies and brought out toys for the older children to play with when they visited. She was intrigued with Carter’s son, Jacob because he had red hair. She would call him “Copper Top” and then giggle.
Janice remembers how kind Gwen was to her friends. During Janice’s senior year she was dating a boy whose parents had recently divorced. Gwen visited with the boy, asking him how he was doing. She listened as he told her how sad he was. She empathized with him, told him that it wasn’t his fault, and told him that she understood how he felt. This is one of the only times that Janice remembers her mother talking about her parents’ divorce.
When she was young Gwen had a classmate that grew up in unhappy circumstances. He was described as ornery, often in conflict and struggled in school. As an adult he told Susan that her Mother was one of a very few people that treated him with dignity and respect. It meant a lot to him when he was young and even into his later years.
On one occasion Gwen was with Carter, driving in Benson. As they were coming out of an alleyway, Esker and Beck, her nephews, drove by and called out the window for help. They had flashed their brights at a truck as they passed, angering the driver of the truck. He began following them quite closely all through Benson. Esker and Beck drove to the police station, with the truck right behind them. Carter and Gwen followed. When the boys got out of the vehicles and started arguing, Gwen saw that things were getting quite heated. She got out of the car and asked the name of the boy who was driving the truck. When he gave it she said, “Oh, are you Ginger’s brother?! She is such a nice girl!” With that, he was completely disarmed and suddenly not angry anymore. A fight was surely averted.
Gwen was described by her friend, Edna Judd, as a person who was without guile. She was genuine. She didn’t pretend to be someone she wasn’t and her children learned more from her example than from what she said. Andy recalls that she was a very private person. She did not openly express her feelings. Michelle remembers her saying, “Don’t ever let anyone know how you feel,” and “Keep a stiff upper lip.” So, with few words, limited emotions, and little self-expression, Gwen taught her children. They knew of her love, faith, and devotion. She was a person they could rely on. Her constancy was a steadying force in their lives that have caused them to “arise up, and call her blessed.” (Proverbs 31:28)
Chapter 5
Interests, Talents, Hobbies
Gwen loved nature. She enjoyed being outdoors for picnics, hunting, or even just a family drive to see all the “pretty yellow flowers”. She noticed clouds, stars, sunsets and frequently commented on the beauty of nature. She liked to drive to the river or the Gila wash after rain storms to see the flood waters.
She read a lot about natural healing and learned all about the plants native to the St. David area. She was interested in their medicinal properties. She studied foot reflexology and shared that knowledge, much to her family’s enjoyment, by giving foot massages. She often commented that she admired Linda Judd, who had gone to school at an older age to become a chiropractor. Had Alzheimer’s disease not afflicted Gwen at about the time her youngest left home, she probably would have pursued such an education.
Gwen was a voracious reader. Grandma Amy would tease her that she must read the cover on the toilet paper rolls. Sometimes she would lock herself in the bathroom so that she could have quiet time in which to read. She read the Reader’s Digest, Prevention Magazine, church publications, scriptures, books and newspapers. As a result she could converse about almost anything. For her children she was a walking dictionary and phone book. They didn’t need to look up words or phone numbers because Gwen knew them all from memory. For a time Gwen served as the St. David correspondent for the local newspaper. She was paid ten cents per column inch.
Gwen was politically active and served for a time on the Benson Hospital Board. The hospital had a history of turmoil. However Gwen had a talent for working well with all types of people. Her intellect made her qualified as a problem solver. Members of the board felt comfortable sharing their points of view with her because she was such a good listener. One of the members of the hospital board, Quentin Miller would come to the house and have long conversations with Gwen about hospital issues. He admired her intelligence and her ability to work with others.
She was active in her community as she served in many capacities through her church callings. She was a Relief Society President at least twice, helping many in the church. Her compassionate nature and care for the less fortunate made her shine in this calling. She also served for several years in the Young Women’s Program, attending Girls’ Camp for many years.
Gwen liked to sing, and she played the piano a little bit too. While she may not have been an artist, she was a talented doodler. Her children remember watching her draw pictures of pretty ladies. The pictures consisted only of their faces and beautiful heads of hair. Sometimes she would sketch the characters from the comics, especially from “Family Circus” and “Alley Oop”.
She sewed for her family and got great satisfaction when everyone had matching Easter outfits. She also made matching shirts for her family when they attended a Busby reunion one year.
Another of Gwen’s talents was that of making cheese. Michelle remembers begging her mother to make cheese, not really because she wanted cheese, but because her mother would serve warm curds and whey covered with cinnamon sugar. At one Pioneer Day parade, Gwen dressed as a pioneer woman and walked along the parade route handing out slices of her homemade cheese. She was very popular that day. Many people commented about how much they liked her “squeaky cheese.”
Chapter 6
Alzheimer’s Disease
On Gwen’s 52nd birthday, in 1979, she wrote in her journal, “I feel sick in mind and body.” Then, in the early 1980’s Gwen started having difficulty remembering routines. In 1981 Jim had purchased the St. David Market and renamed it Grandma Goodman’s. Gwen helped in the store, but after a short time she found it difficult to run the cash register and make change. Linda noticed that Gwen had trouble turning on the computer and running her DOS programs. She pointed out these failings to Jim and he got angry with Linda for disrespecting her Mother.
Over the next few years her mind slipped in small ways that drew her attention and that of her family. Basic math became too difficult for her. She signed up for some correspondence courses, but was unable to complete them. She was not able to remember phone numbers like she had before. She knew that something was wrong, but didn’t know what to do or how to get help.
From February 1987 until August 1988 Jim and Gwen served a mission in Suva, Fiji. As missionaries they spent all day every day together. During this time Jim’s eyes were opened to the changes that were occurring in Gwen’s mind. When they returned home, Jim asked his children to observe Gwen. It had become clear to him that something was wrong.
Some of the family members thought that she might be depressed. Her brother, Richard, was concerned enough that he paid for her to get a series of medical tests to analyze the problem. It was then that she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.
In the years after her mission, Gwen slowly deteriorated. She lost the ability to clean the house. Her interest in reading diminished to the point that she would spend all day watching television. When people stopped to visit she was happy to see them and converse with them, but had difficulty expressing herself. It was embarrassing to her. She relied a lot on Jim to carry conversations.
Previously, she enjoyed riding her bike around town and stopping to visit friends on the way. On one occasion, well into the advancement of the disease, she was visiting with Edna Judd when her husband, Jim Judd came home. Gwen didn’t recognize him and ordered him off of his own property. With the progression of her disease she realized that she didn’t really know what was going on and that she might not be able to find her way home, so she stopped going out.
She eventually got to the point that she couldn’t take care of her own personal needs. She couldn’t walk or talk. Her embarrassment turned to frustration and anger. She was often in tears as she suffered the devastating effects of this merciless disease.
In 1997 Jim hired a caretaker for her. Connie Barreto moved into the Mayberry home with her 3 children. She took care of Gwen’s personal needs in a way that was kind and loving. She was a great blessing to Gwen and to the family.
On April 23, 1999, Gwen passed away. Her funeral was held on what would have been her 72nd birthday. The peace of knowing that she was free from the dread disease she had been afflicted with gave comfort to her grieving family. In reality, their grief had begun years ago as Alzheimer’s slowly stole their mother from them. They rejoiced to know that she had passed beyond the pain and suffering of her mortal existence, to be at peace in the Spirit World with those who had gone on before her.
Chapter 7
Faith
Gwen’s faith in God was the most important and influential attribute of her life. She wanted to be good. She had a clear sense of what was right and what was wrong. It came naturally to her to do right.
Gwen knew that God hears and answers prayers. When her children were young and would suffer nightmares and night terrors she taught them to pray. She had complete confidence that with their prayers the nightmares would be taken from them, and they were.
When Michelle, as a young child, was frightened or in pain, her mother taught her to turn to God in prayer. These prayers of faith brought peace and comfort to Michelle. She is grateful for the faith and teachings of her mother.
When in Galveston with Michelle, Gwen prayed for Michelle and for her children at home. Carter says that the effects of those prayers were felt. Gwen’s faith in God had power in her children’s lives.
Wendy remembers a lesson of faith, prayer and fasting that she received as a young adult. She had graduated from high school and had a boyfriend that wanted her to go to Hawaii with him. Jim and Gwen knew that this was a bad idea and told Wendy so. They told her that they were going to fast and pray for Heavenly Father’s will in the matter and invited her to do the same. Her attitude at the time was that they could fast and pray all they wanted, but whatever the answer was, she was going to Hawaii. They fasted and prayed for her and within a very short time another young man came into her life who distracted her from the desire to go to Hawaii. She recognizes now that her parents received an immediate answer to their prayers that saved her from a bad decision. This experience taught her that Heavenly Father answers the prayers of faithful parents. She has learned that she can fast and pray for her children, then trust God.
Ralph describes his mother as one who lived her testimony. Her faith was manifest in her everyday life as she led the family in family prayer ever morning and every night. Janice says that the family knelt in family prayer around the kitchen table almost 365 mornings and nights, year after year.
She also ensured that the family had Family Home Evening every week. She gave the majority of the lessons with full support from Jim. It didn’t matter what attitude members of the family had or what distractions would arise. Janice says that the Mayberrys were a “Family Home Evening every week no-matter-what” family.
In the 1970’s the church began to emphasize the importance of daily family scripture study. With that instruction Gwen added this practice to the daily devotions of the family. While family prayer and Family Home Evening were habits that were relatively easy for the family to practice, family scripture study was a little bit more challenging. Andy remembers that they would have family scripture study for a period of time, then get too busy or distracted and go months without reading scriptures. But Gwen knew it was important and would lead out with renewed effort. The family would read regularly again for a period of time, then scripture study would again, fall by the wayside. This pattern repeated itself until finally, with Gwen’s leadership the family was able to maintain the habit of daily scripture study. Andy says that this taught him that while sometimes the things we are asked to do are not easy we should never give up. It is okay to start over and try again. His mother’s persistence in trying to do what is right was an important lesson to him.
Gwen’s faith in God inspired her to follow the counsel of her church leaders willingly and without complaint. Initially, the Mayberrys held Family Home Evening on Thursday nights. When church leaders encouraged members to have it on Monday nights, there was no hesitation on Gwen’s part. She immediately changed their Family Home Evenings to Mondays.
Another such demonstration of faith occurred with regards to keeping the Sabbath Day holy. For a time the Mayberrys liked to go to the Dairy Queen after church to buy a treat. When the church leaders counseled the members to refrain from making purchases on the Sabbath Gwen was quick to obey. Wendy remembers that this type of obedience was typical for her mother. She knew that if the prophet taught that we should do or not do something her Mother would never question the counsel. She would just do it. Wendy believes that the family was blessed because of this obedience.
Similarly, Gwen accepted and fulfilled callings in the church without complaint. Michelle is impressed that no matter what Gwen’s calling was she did it dutifully. Her church service never appeared to be drudgery. Janice remembers that her mother was a 100% visiting teacher.
One call that Jim and Gwen accepted was to open their homes to Native American children who were part of the Indian Placement Program of the church. In spite of having 9 children and limited space in their home, the Mayberrys didn’t hesitate to take these students into their home. Irene Donald and Shirley Ben participated in the program. Irene lived with the Mayberrys for 3-4 years. Later Shirley lived with them for one school year.
Jim and Gwen also opened their home to others in need. Warren Johnson was a boy from Benson with a widowed mother and 8 siblings. He worked as a shoeshine boy in Jim’s barbershop, and then spent a couple of summers helping around the farm. Susan had a friend, Doris Dillon who came from a dysfunctional home environment. She also spent a lot of time at the Mayberry home over a period of three years.
A call that Gwen sought and fulfilled faithfully was the call to serve a mission. Jim was apprehensive about leaving home to serve a mission with his wife. Except for the short time that he and Gwen spent outside of St. David when they were first married, Jim had never lived away from his parents. He liked his home and his lifestyle. But Gwen’s inherent faith in God and desire to serve Him overpowered Jim’s hesitation. In 1986 they submitted their papers to serve a mission. They were called to the Fiji, Suva mission and left in February of 1987. They thoroughly enjoyed their mission, serving for 18 months.
Another sign of Gwen’s faith was her love of the temple. Gwen went to the temple often. Even as she was suffering the effects of Alzheimer’s she would insist on going to the temple. She continued to go past the time that she should have as she began to be confused and frustrated at not knowing what to do. Carter felt that his testimony of the importance of the temple was strengthened as he watched his mother persevere in temple worship.
Janice says that her first recollection of Joseph Smith was when her mother told her the account of the First Vision. The strength of her mother’s faith created a testimony in Janice that caused her to never doubt. She says that this single testimony has been an anchor to her throughout her life.
Andy says that he doesn’t remember his mother bearing her testimony. He is certain that she did in Fast and Testimony Meeting or in Family Home Evening, but he doesn’t remember that. He knows that she had a testimony because of her every day life.
Young says that he has the clear impression that his mother knew. “She knew there is a God. She knew He could be with us for comfort, for protection, for guidance. I'm left with the distinct impression that my Mother knew God lives, that we are His children, that He cares for us, and that the Gospel was in integral part of her make-up.”
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